May 2013
2 posts
Black Eyes and Baseball Mishaps?
by Andy
I really don’t put out enough content to make a statement by “going dark.” I write about twice a month on average – sometimes more, sometimes less.
“Going dark” is what a few other Astros bloggers are doing to protest Jim Crane’s latest public relations gaffe. So, instead of sitting idly by while others make statements by “going dark” – I’ve decided to write.
Last night, around 7:00pm,...
The Not-so Long and Short of Parting with Pocket...
I haven’t blogged in over a month, and I bet you’re all wondering why, right? …right? Upon my last post, the one I wrote before the beginning of the season, I promised myself that I would sit back and observe the organization without my blogger-born eye for scrutiny. I promised myself that I would remove myself from my made-up responsibilities and take the time to enjoy watching baseball again. It...
April 2013
1 post
The Prospect Post
In July of 2011, as the Astros found themselves in mid-descent towards the cold bedrock of the NL Central seafloor, the scuttlebutt surrounding Houston was that Hunter Pence, Michael Bourn, Brett Myers and Wandy Rodriguez would all be divvied up and sold to the highest bidder. Interest in Myers and Wandy and their multimillion-dollar deals subsequently waned, withered and died (although Wandy, as...
March 2013
2 posts
2013 Houston Astros Season Preview
by Andy
Westward, Ho! We gathered around the dock, and Jim Crane gave a speech. A christening. He spoke about his new boat - about its name and how he came up with it. “She’s a tiny little vessel. But she is strong!” Everyone cheered. He spoke a little bit about the boat’s history and how the new coat of paint ties in with that storied past. Everyone hung on each and every word. George...
Nar-Raids: The State of The City
By Stephen Naron
Guys, remember a few years ago when the Texans had NEVER had a winning season and were the ugly stepchild of the NFL, Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady were taking turns blowing up every tendon and bone in their bodies, and the Astros were trying to place a Carlos Lee band aid on the mortal wound they’d inflicted on the franchise? Well, it’s 2013 now and the sports scene in Houston has...
February 2013
2 posts
We'd Watch the Astros on Valentine's Day
by Andy
Lately, I’ve been fighting these emotions… these overwhelming feelings, I blame it on my elevated levels of machismo, but I’ve got a lot on my mind. And, this being Valentines Day, I just wanted to say a few words to some of my followers… particularly, all the pretty ladies. I’m talking to you. This one goes out to all the girls out there. All the girls who...
For Our Team's Good
by Andy
When I was a school-aged chap, the worst and most agonizing days were the days leading up to Christmas vacation. These days were soaked with unbridled anticipation and excitement. The clock ticked slowly, the calendar wouldn’t budge and we were resigned to our perilous fate – we would be stuck in school forever. Like hostages, we were trapped in classroom torture-cells, duct taped to our...
January 2013
3 posts
Three Reasons Why I am Accepting Realignment to...
by Stephen
Promote the new idea of Astros-elitismTM Think about it guys….aren’t we all tired of being “picked on” as Astros fans? What better way to shiny up the old Chevy than with a fresh new coat of AL-DH paint? We can be the Aggies of the MLB. I mean, truth be told, the AL is like the SEC of baseball, right? Talk to any East or West coast AL-only snob and you get some form of, “Oh how...
The Blinders of Fools: A Defense of Jeff Bagwell...
We have about two days until we find out whether Jeff Bagwell will FINALLY punch his ticket to Cooperstown. Although, some are already preparing for the worst, I hold out a little hope that logic rules the day and Bagwell finds a way to sneak in. Meanwhile, baseless PED talks surrounding Bagwell are becoming more and more prevalent. A few weeks ago, Jeff Pearlman, who has been adamant about...
Tomorrow's Headlines: A Space City Celebration
Editor’s note: I’ve read a few 2013 previews, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted to write a newspaper article for a date that is less than five years away. After the last few months, I just wanted to write something positive. I really feel like good news is on the horizon. The Astros are getting better. The rain is over.
The Astros are turning this...
December 2012
3 posts
The Houston Astros: A Year in Pictures
by Andy
2012 was a long year, but we made a whole bunch of memories. Let’s take a look back at some of the pictures that made 2012 so memorable.
We constructed the All Give a Sh** Team. Brandon Backe got a spot in the starting rotation. Randy Johnson, Mike Hampton, Craig Biggio, Jeff Bagwell and Bill Spiers got spots, too.
The year started out with a lot of speculation on where Wandy...
Not Without a Fight
(I sat on this particular post a lot longer than I usually do. I read it over and over again. (And, no, I still didn’t catch the grammar mistakes.) I wanted to make sure that this was what I really wanted to say. I edited it. I rewrote it. I took a few things out and added a few things in. I might have been a bit insulting and I might have been a tad bit accusatory. I am passionate about the...
1 tag
The Astros Were Out of Their League
by Andy
When the news broke that Jim Deshaies accepted the broadcast position with the Chicago Cubs, I went through Kubler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief in a matter of a few hours.
…well, sort of.
At first, I denied it. “Footer is clearly yanking my chain. Clearly, Jim Deshaies is coming back. …right?”
“…right?”
Then I got angry.
Then I bargained.
Then I got very depressed.
…and, now, as I write...
November 2012
3 posts
Stephen's Thanksgiving Day Special! The Houston...
by Stephen N
This post was inspired as I watched the amazing Texans’ comeback Sunday and couldn’t help but think about the many that had obviously left the game early. So here’s some commandments to memorize and follow that I think if universally accepted could move us from “greatest city in America” to “greatest city in the history of the World”…..
I. THOU SHALT NOT BOO THINE OWN TEAM
I hate...
Now The Tuxedos Seem Kinda F—ked Up.
by Andy
Our beloved hometown team was held hostage for several years before a tuxedoed Jim Crane crashed through the glass window, rescued the fan base from the evil Dr. McLane and declared that he liked his martinis “shaken, not stirred.”
…and after a boatload of money was exchanged and ink dried, Astros fans felt a sense of relief.
Whew! The worst is over!
Better days are ahead.
Of course, then...
Jeff Luhnow Buys a Car... Well, Maybe.
by Andy
I purchased my truck a few years ago. It was my first big purchase. I remember standing outside of the car lot while reciting my haggling techniques. “Aw, c’mon, bro, is that the best you can do?” (I was saying “bro” before it was cool.) I stood stoically and scanned over the cars and immediately started having serious concerns whether or not I could afford anything new and...
October 2012
1 post
Ernest Goes To Academy (Astros Logo Leak)
by Andy
At 10:36 this morning, Eagle Eye Ernest Moreno tweeted a picture to Sports Logo Net, “I saw this at a local Academy not too long ago.” A minute later, he tweeted me.
I’m generally pretty good about reading everything that is directed at me. So, when I saw this, I knew that I had to get it confirmed.
Immediately, I saved the picture to my phone and sent a text message to a friend who I...
September 2012
2 posts
The Wonder Years: My Journey Home
by Andy
(Editor’s note: When it was announced that the Astros were moving to the American League, I was asked whether or not I was reassessing my commitment to the organization. Immediately, I thought about this story and I wanted to share it with you.)
I haven’t always been an Astros fan.
For two years of my life, I was obsessed with the Oakland Athletics.
Yes, our soon-to-be division...
1 tag
Sure, Rocket Science
by Andy
Have I spent this entire baseball season watching the Astros or has this been one long episode of TBS’s new hit comedy Sullivan & Son? I’m not quite sure. I know the laughs at Minute Maid Park are few and far between. There’s not a lot of clapping or cheering, either. There’s not a lot of intrigue or “what’ll happen next?” talk amongst the fans. And, yes, apathy is quietly overcoming...
August 2012
4 posts
THE HOUSTON SPORTS COUNTERPLOT COLLEGE FOOTBALL...
by Andy
For those of you who have followed my blog for over a year, you guys know that I’m a huge college football fan. I mean, if I were to rank the important things in my life (and why shouldn’t I?), I’d go:
1.) Astros 2.) College Football 3.) Family 4.) Peanut Butter Cookies 5.) More Peanut Butter Cookies
…in that order.
Seeing that the Astros are on pace to lose 375 games this year, I thought...
The Poor Luck and Very Unfortunate Excommunication...
by Andy
Brad Mills got fired on Saturday.
But you already knew that.
I always feel bad when someone gets fired – it’s not fun, and it’s pretty humiliating. Put yourself in their shoes – all parties involved: it’s not fun to get fired, and it’s definitely not fun to fire someone. It’s difficult for both sides. But, in the business world, absolutely, it is a necessary evil. Business is a series of...
THE ASTROS “YOU MAKE THE CALL” AUDITIONS or How I...
(Editor’s note: Tyson and I have been friends for a long time. Really long! When he came up to me and asked me if he could post on my blog - I didn’t even hesitate to say yes. You see, Tyson auditioned for the “You Make The Call” contest the Astros held and is currently waiting out the process to see if he goes on to the next level of voting. …and, you bet your...
The Brad Mills Farewell Tour
by Andy
If the Red Sox fired Bobby Valentine, would they consider bringing Brad Mills back? Yes. Yes, they would.
…the city of Boston loves Brad Mills and Chowderheads love Brad Mills, too. However, the higher ups in the Red Sox organization might not be too keen on bringing him back. But, then again, they’re the ones who hired Bobby Valentine and they’re the ones who signed underperforming free...
It's Like I Don't Even Recognize You Anymore
by Andy
I spoke with my mom yesterday and she said, “Andy, I just don’t recognize any of these guys.”
“Good,” I thought.
It was in 2010 when the Astros, whether it was their intention or not, embarked on a journey into the darkest, deepest depths of the National League – the league that would eventually roll over towards our Astros, wipe the sleep from their eyes and say “cab fare is on the...
July 2012
4 posts
These Guys Suck?
by Stephen
These Guys Suck, Trade Them All, What is THAT in LF? Look Astros fans I’m not going to sugar coat things……it’s been a very rough patch for the die-hard fans. Let’s take a giant step back and assess some things though shall we?
First off, “These guys suck!” Look, I get as depressed as most of you before Astros games when Fox puts that “Tonight’s lineup screen” up and nobody out of the...
Jose Altuve vs Josh Hamilton: Tale of the Tape
by Andy
Tale of The Tape
When the Astros move to the American League in 2013, their de facto divisional rivals will be the much-hated Dallas Rangers. Woo hoo! However, as the All Star Game is only a few hours away, let’s get this rivalry started and compare Houston’s best player to Dallas’ and see how they stack up.
Jose Altuve vs Josh Hamilton: TALE OF THE TAPE!
Experience Josh Hamilton was...
Carlos Lee's "Hollow" Astrobituary
by Andy
This is the way the Carlos Lee era ends Not with a bang but with a burp. …and a fart.
-T.S. Eliot
I understand the irony of plopping T.S. Eliot’s “The Hollow Men” into a “Farewell Fatty” blog posting – fact of the matter is, Carlos was anything but hollow. As cliché as it is to incorporate dictionary definitions into… well… anything, I thought it was a tad bit apropos to incorporate the...
June 2012
5 posts
A Short Lil Ode To Alyson
A Short Lil Ode To Alyson by Andy
When I was a boy, my pappy told me that he never cried, Not when our Astros lost in ‘86, not when his hunting dog died. So, I called him and told him about our girl Footer leaving town, He said, “Son, thats a good reason to cry, I understand why this crap’s got you down.” He said, “She’s always quick with a comeback, even...
Nsync With The Trade Deadline: Breaking Up The...
by Andy
The trade deadline represents a lot of different things to a lot of different teams. Is it time to add? Is it time to subtract? Is it time to finally talk to that girl from accounting? I don’t know, broham. What I do know is that the Astros are currently 31-43 and appear to be trending towards pinching this bad boy off. That being said, a lot can change but 10 games back of the division...
Luhnow Zigs, Pundits Zag, Correa Gets Paid.
by Andy
After last week’s draft, we’ve all had a little bit of time to soak in what just happened – of course, now everyone is speculating on who will or won’t sign and which affiliates will these draftees start their professional careers. This is fun!
While I am a little uncomfortable prematurely declaring this draft an across the board success, I have to tip my hat to Jeff Luhnow for developing...
On The Road Again
On The Road Again
by Stephen
I’m guessing the 2012 Astros aren’t huge fans of the Willie Nelson classic. I’d be disappointed if Brett Myers didn’t have a little Willie on his ipod, and I’m sure Jordan Schafer is a huge fan of some of Willie’s other “extracurricular activities”, but the 2012 Astros can definitely wait to be on the road again. We’ve all been singing the praises of the Stros lately...
A Legend, A GM, and a Loss
by @Stephennaron
(Before I let Stephen take over my blog for a few minutes, I would just like to say how awesome it was to have Stephen represent THSC at “Blogger Night.” It was super awesome that Alyson Footer thought so highly of my blog to have invited me and it was much more awesome to have someone as witty and baseball savvy as Stephen to rep me! Even though our Astros crapped the...
May 2012
7 posts
Besties: The Day I Met Jeff Luhnow
by Andy
I haven’t been as warm towards Jeff Luhnow as most. In reality, he’s made one significant trade – but that’s it.
He’s only been employed with the Astros for a few months and his Wikipedia entry consists of three lines and is less than fifty words. Yet he’s quickly ascended to “rock star status” among fans and bloggers who believe he’ll usher in an Astros renaissance.
After spending part of...
The War of Northern Aggression
by Andy
It wasn’t but two years ago that the Rangers were in dire straits. Under Tom Hicks, they were hard up for cash and circling the drain towards financial ruin. Ignorant and not giving a shit, they continued to make it rain like drunken sailors on players while begging Major League Baseball to help keep them afloat - to the tune of $40 million. And, for it, they’ve been rewarded with on-field...
An Enemy Among Us
by Stephen Naron
Let’s be honest, this might not be a popular post with a lot of Astros fans. Just bringing it up at work nearly started a fist fight between me and another coworker. Heck, to be honest, eight year old me is severely pissed off that 31 year old me even has the stones to put this to writing. But here’s the truth…..Nolan Ryan is the enemy. I don’t mean we should dislike him based on...
You Can't Read Jeff Luhnow's Poker Face.
by Andy
As the Astros teeter back and forth along the line of respectability, fans have freely shared their thoughts and opinions.
“They’re good!”
“No, they suck!”
“Astros and me are a bad romance!”
Safe to say, there is not an overwhelming consensus on how the fans feel about the Astros’ performance thus far nor are they able to accurately anticipate where this club could possibly be further...
The Carlos Conundrum II or Do I Hate Carlos Lee
by Stephen Naron
Why do you hate Carlos Lee? If you follow my twitter feed or listen to one of my random Carlos rants, you are likely to ask this question…..several people have before. However, I in fact do NOT hate Carlos Lee. Carlos actually provided a walk off grand slam at one of my greatest “I was there moments”, at the end of the Biggio 3000 hit game. I also briefly met...
Wandy Rodriguez: No Place To Call Home?
As the Astros scurry up the standings amid a 5-1 run, Wandy Rodriguez hot stove talk has inexplicably gone into high gear.
However, trading Wandy isn’t as easy as it seems. …or is it?
Ed Wade tried it.
This off-season, Jeff Luhnow may have looked into it
But, as I pointed out last year, I didn’t think Wandy would be dealt until the trade deadline of this year. …but, then again, I might be...
Just Lose, Baby
Just Lose, Baby!
At 3-4, the Astros were staring down the barrel of a fully loaded Heath Bell on April 14th…
It was almost scripted like a movie. After several painful hours after exposition and sporadic action, the bad guy finally caught up with the good guy and tied him up. The bad guy whipped out a gun, pointed it at the bad guy and embarked on a lengthy monologue that detailed his diabolic...
April 2012
2 posts
That John Denver Is Full of Sh**, Man.
The Crawford Street Kids Pull The Plug On Geriatric Jamie
After 3 painful losses, the Astros have started out the 2012 campaign 0-3 leaving hundreds of hardcore Astros fans contemplating “when will this club get a win?”
Wait, what?
Hold the phone – the Astros did not get swept this weekend? They actually won two games and took the series?
Are you telling me that OUR Houston Astros are 2-1? Are you...
2012 Astros Preview
(UPDATE: CRISIS AVERTED! Stretch Suba got his lucky number back and will be behind home plate - in the bullpen - for the 2012 season. Still no activity as far as the scheduling of a Stretch Suba Bobblehead Night.)
Shots Fired!
If you’re an Astros fan, you’d probably describe yourself as “cautiously optimistic.” And, rightfully so – there’s a lot of new (newish) faces on the club and a lot of...
March 2012
3 posts
Crossing Our Fingers: The Carlos Conundrum!
It was fun while it lasted.
Wait, it’s over?
No, not quite yet.
I admit, I wasn’t excited when Drayton McLane pulled out the pocketbook and dumped $100M on Carlos Lee. I was positive that Lee would rack up a bunch of RBI, hit for some power and be a middle-of-the-order presence for the next 6 years – but I also knew that there were serious holes in Lee’s game that would have to be addressed...
An Offer Non-Astros Fans Cannot Refuse
If you’re an Astros fan – stop reading this and go here, here or here.
Now that they’re gone, I think we should talk. I know we should talk. Obviously, you’re not an Astros fan. I totally understand and part of me doesn’t really blame you. I get it. Over the last few years the Astros haven’t done much in the way of keeping Astros fans rooting for the Astros. They have mistreated their fans and,...
Six Surefire Astros Bets
Six Surefire Astros Bets
In the wake of the New York Giants Super Bowl win and on the brink of March Madness where Eastern North Dakota State Polytechnic at Fargo is sure to make an Elite 8 run, degenerate gamblers everywhere are racing to their bookies to slap big bills on MLB’s safest (and most bourgeois) of teams. Meanwhile in Houston, nary a soul focuses on our beloved hometown nine.
That’s...
February 2012
2 posts
Illustrations of Guns Don't Kill People...
February, other than being a month I am still unable to spell, is, in my opinion, the perfect time of year. The snow begins to melt, baseball players file into camp and kids everywhere embrace the realization that they’re, in fact, racing down the homestretch towards summer vacation. It is a great time to be alive.
But, sometimes February isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes the excitement...
The Houston Sports Counterplot's 2012 Top Ten...
Roll up your sleeves, my lil chickadees, because this WILL get messy. You’re about to get knee deep into The Houston Sports Counterplot’s 2012 Astros Top Ten Prospect List. Things are going to be a bit different this year than they were last year …that makes sense because a lot has changed. What’s changed? I’ve changed. You’ve changed. The Astros have changed (leagues)…
Due to...
January 2012
5 posts
Astros and Roy Oswalt: Third Rate Romance
Admittedly, I don’t like Roy Oswalt.
But let’s face it, in the last ten years, only Lance Berkman has done more for the Houston Astros than Oswalt has. So, I’m grateful… to extent. When he’s on – he’s unhittable. In 2005, I watched Roy-O carve up the Blue Jays en route to a 3-0 complete game shutout. Although he only struck out three batters, he baffled and bewildered the abysmal...
MOVE TO CANADA, DALLAS!
I’ve had it up to here with the Texas Rangers. I’m so sick of those bastards - it’s crazy! They really get my blood boiling! They think they’re sooooo good - but what have they ever won? They got just as many World Series rings as the people they THINK they’re better than! No, they’re not the Yankees or the Red Sox - they’re the Rangers.
…and they...
Irrational. Angry. Scared. And I'm Not Even Sure...
Generally, I like to wait a few days after news breaks to comment on it. …at least, on my blog. On Twitter, I am a little more reactionary. I comment as items transpire. On my blog, however, I prefer waiting around and considering all angles before developing an opinion. I’m concerned about our Astros. Jim Crane spread some good news to Houstonians by announcing that he was making big...
Oh, The Places Wandy'll Go!
“How did it get so late so soon?” - Dr. Seuss.
The Astros are no longer at their theoretical franchise crossroads. With the ownership situation settled, a new GM and preparing to compete in a new league – the Astros tripped, fallen, brushed themselves off and lumbered past the crossroads and have embarked on a new direction.
…well, the same direction – just a different vehicle. Whereas, Ed...
